Glance Chapter I

There's a part of my life i've been dying to share or write about. But i guess it'll be incoherent if i jump to that part.
And since its a looong strory, i'll cut it in chapters.

Okay, here it goes

*july 30* still fixing typos..Emotion have the ability to surpass logic..ocassionally

==Stave I== Broken Promises, Shattered Beliefs

Unlike most girls my age, i discovered puppy love a little later than my peers. Probably because growing up for me wasn't something one could call "pleasant". You see, since i don't have sisters and there's hardly any feminine influence in the house, i was struggling between trying to fit in and being myself- I failed miserably with both.

In sixth grade, my parents got into a huge fight, one that ultimately changed my life. My mother, under the guise of "holy week penitensya", dragged us to Olongapo. I knew it was more than a vacation and we didn't really have financial stability then, so i helped with my cousin's computer shop (they had Ps2's, game cube, Pc's and a gift shop).

It was in Powerstation (its the name of the comp shop) that i met Caine. He's one of the elite players in Tekken(its a fighting game similar to Street Fighter, 'cept its Japanese), the best one i've seen there if i may say so. But that wasn't what caught my attention, i was surprised how he wasn't rowdy or noisy like most of the gamers there. He was my piece of chivalry in that chaotic place, a reflection of a complete gentleman.

I wouldn't tell you all the gory details, but we exchanged letters, each one sweeter than the other. He was the first guy to give me a ring, it was in a beautiful heart-shaped box that i originally thought was a jewelery box. NUNG NABUKSAN KO HOLY &^*%! Its a ring! (When i opened it , its a ring!)And the funny thing? He never, not once held my hand. The most intimate physical contact we had was when he was figuring the size of my pinkie finger, for the ring he was going to get me.

I thought everything would be well. He was my piece of light in that God-Forsaken place. It tuned out that our families were connected (NO! NOT BY BLOOD!) too connected. My parents and their parents used to be bestest of friends.

The catch? His parents didn't like me because they saw me as a hindrance to his path to priesthood. Mine simply disagreed with their only daughter having a boyfriend.

Not long after, he began to get mad at me for being friends with some of the kids in school who weren't exactly what one could call "good influences". I tried to explain that it was because of the novelty i presented, a freak from the city, was what made them curious to know who i am. And all i was doing was trying not to be rude. After that he refused let me see him. I didn't pursue anymore after he rejected one of my phone calls (did i mention, since we were just crashed at a relative's place, all my phone calls for him--pay phone, never more than 8 minutes), deep inside i felt inferior, maybe his parents were right, I can't compete with God-if that was his calling. I wouldn't.

The saddest part? The night before i went back to Manila, there was a Bingo game in school, a fund-raising event. I knew we were leaving in the morning and i wanted nothing more but have the chance to say goodbye, to get things cleared before i leave. All i wanted was to understand why.

It was disappointing, he was nowhere. So in a final attempt to be civil, if he was going to be that rude, im not going to stoop in the same level. I called his bestfriend (Luckily, his bestfriend is my classmate, and that guy's sister was my cousin's bestfriend..See? Too many connections)I bid him my goodbyes and thanked him for being nice to me. He told me that Caine was there during the Bingo night, he saw me and deliberately made sure i wasn't going to see him.

That part, for me was very insulting. It was beyond any affection i had for him.

I cried that night,
not because of him, but because even if i despise his guts,
even if he was exactly the opposite of a gentleman,
there were people there that i have begun to call "friends"

And no, i never cried for him, except once.

I think my mother saw how hard it was for me to leave abruply, so every weekend, we'd still visit the place. The worst part was there was a moment where nothing but a tree was between us, he smiled sheepishly at his friends but never did anything. Maybe that was the last string, everything else snapped. After that i stopped the weekend visits.


A few years later, i saw him again. Guess what? Apparently, he still thought we were hitched.He tried to explain why. You know what i think? He's too self-righteous, a hypocrite.

And no, i don't hate him, there's just a piece of me that demands closure.


====
Well there you go. First stave. Pretty long if i may say so.
Thanks for reading!

-Amulet

What Now?Another Apathetic Shrug?

Another year, Another State of the Nation Address.

Usually, i do not look forward to it because classes are suspended on the day of the Address. Why? because it's a Monday. And we really don't get to benefit the holiday. That day is a non-school day for Knollers.

Considering that our current president has given more SONA's than any other president in our republic and how many checks were made on that list of hers, it is but a reality to say that the Philippines has been shrunk to one of the bleakest scenes in Sweeney Todd. Yes, as a citizen, it is embarrassing, if not outrageous to still have hope for the country.

How far behind are we compared to the world?
The reason we are still affected by the oil price hikes? Unlike some countries, we are not modern enough to adapt to electric cars or utilize hydro,geo or solar energy. Or probably, we have just become so accustomed to polluted air that we began to fear the withrawal symptoms from smoke and sulfur if we clean the air.
Our education has drastically been reprogrammed to become a privilege to citizens of higher class. Why? Your everyday Filipino would rather work in a call center and answer mindless questions about somebody else's bill. Or in worse-case scenarios, they resolve to entertainment that does not require a highschool degree, heck it doesn't even need clothes.

But then again, if hope is futile, then what is the point of staying here?

For reasons that maybe, just maybe, beyond the absurd rise of oil prices, threatening famine, ridiculous population growth, and the general atmosphere of corruption emanating from almost-if not all 7,100 islands, maybe there's something more to that.

A culture that has been sruggling to keep itself alive despite our version of diaspora.
A rich archipelago that is inhabited by a number of endangered wildlife members.
An elder passing down the intricate art of "paghahabi".
A family with values that are distinctly ours.
Or more importantly, a developing country that needs nurturing and understanding for it to have a chance to reach its fullest potential.

Now, a SONA is hardly the answer for all the problems we have, but it is start. A glimpse at what we're headed and how we can help. See, our main problem is everybody has an opinion of his/her own. But the beauty in a democracy is that despite the variations in beliefs, a whole community would settle for the one that would be for the general good. I think that is something we are yet to master.
So on Monday, maybe i would listen(or read the internet version at the very least) to the speech of our leader not because my well-preserved professor who-has-single-handedly-defeated-Xerxes-in-the-decorate-your-booty-competition would most probably attach my head on the school gates if i don't, but because i want to be part of that small change. Our present leader nay not be appealing to everyone, but we must realize that we cannot pull the rope on opposing sides. What we can do is be part of that team that tugs upward, a citizen that knows how to lead and follow.

The State of the Nation Address will be on Monday, June 28. Aside from being aired on national television, anyone may have access of summaries, reviews or videos thru the internet or their local broadsheet.