Its About Time I Do

Yesterday, i woke up without the dust in my eyes.
Sleep is scarce.

I wonder.
How long have i been like this?

They say that one should always look at the good characteristics of one person.
Today i do the contrary

For days, i've been trying to fortify my strengths to compensate for my weaknesses.
And for days, i have failed.

All for one reason
I missed step one.
so i go back.

with a heavy heart, i'll finish that first chapter i need.

My greatest friend and worst enemy
is my ego.

Although, i've learned to create a facade to dismiss things,
and prevent a ruthless vomit of words
its not enough to shield those i love,
those i care for

And in that pursuit to seal such
a revolting spirit,
i lost everything good life offered.

A smile for each snowflake that tickles your nose,
A moment of flight as the air brushes playfully on my fingertips
A shudder for each kiss on my forehead
And a smile for every pat on the back for a job well done

instead
i feel an encompassing rage within,
an origin of anger even i couldn't find
searing through my skin
tearing up my insides
numbing my hands.
as my soul crumbles
i whisper for a name that could save me

Help me, i implore you,
deafen your ears from my screams
open your heart to hear my pleas

i am pathetic
that's for sure
neither can it be helped

*sigh


The dust settles at dawn, when movement ceases. Then i see. Then you will..

--amuLet